True Charity In Marriage

Many people think of charity as giving money or donating goods to a local charitable foundation, like a homeless shelter. Others, think of charity as taking a casserole or cookies over to a neighbor’s home who may be sick or had some other misfortune in their life. Some people may think of charity as abstaining from making a smart remark to a co-worker or a family member. I am not trying to say that these things are not charitable, however, I do think that some of these things are done possibly out of duty more than the goodness and charitable things of our hearts.

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For example: Anybody, can donate money to a charity, but that money may be donated for tax purposes and not really out of the goodness of a person’s heart. I am guilty of that. There have been times in my life when I got the phone call from the Compassionate Service Leader in my church asking me to take a casserole over to the woman who just had a baby or who had just gotten out of the hospital and all I felt was inconvenienced. So with a grumbling, bothered attitude, I would take the dinner over. However, that was better that saying “no” because I didn’t want to feel guilty for not doing it. I wouldn’t exactly say there was charity in my heart. 

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So what is charity? I mean real, true charity? 

 

True charity is having a pure love of God and recognizing how God loves others. To have true charity, we need to try and love as God does. We need to see other’s the way He sees them. When we can understand what true charity is, then we can look at others and see them how God sees them. He sees them with love, compassion, and understanding. With this knowledge, we need to look at how we treat others, especially our spouses. Do we let the annoyances of our partner’s irritate us? Or do we look at those annoyances and let them pass us by? If we can do that, then true charity is taking place.
 
Wallace Goddard stated this about marriage: “…Somewhere along the way some challenge surfaces that seems insurmountable. It may be a spouse with a temper, one who will not be close and affectionate, or pornography and unfaithfulness. These challenges are insurmountable-unless we have charity. We simply will not survive and thrive in the challenges of marriage unless we take upon ourselves the mindset that Jesus has.” (Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard. Pg.123)

How is that possible?  Can we have the same mindset as Jesus Christ?  Some may say that is blasphemous, others may say, I don’t believe in Jesus Christ. Whatever the case may be, we can still look at Jesus Christ as an exemplary model of how charity works.

 

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Jesus Christ is the teacher of true charity. In the King James Bible Dictionary, charity is described at this: “Jesus Christ is the perfect example of charity. In His mortal ministry, He always “went about doing good,” teaching the gospel and showing tender compassion for the poor, afflicted, and distressed. His crowning expression of charity was His Infinite Atonement. He said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”. This was the greatest act of long-suffering, kindness, and selflessness that we will ever know.” (see Matthew 4:23; Mark 6:6; Acts 10:38 John 15:13)

So how do we obtain charity in our hearts?  The answer might be that we need to do some changing. Goddard teaches that we must “…recognize the weakness of our mortal natures and throw ourselves on the merits, and mercy and grace of the Holy Messiah” (Pg. 123). If we do this, then we can begin to change our hearts and our minds. We may need to do some repenting, soul searching and humble ourselves.

We also need to slow down and really look at our spouses and put ourselves in their shoes. Marleen S. Williams said this: “When you understand another person through the lens of his or her own life experience and history, you will find it easier to interpret that person’s behavior accurately and to learn how to accommodate differences” (Pg. 128).

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Maybe it’s time that we really slow down and think about our spouses and how they bless our lives. Maybe it’s time that we let things go and not let those annoyances bother us. Maybe it’s time we forgive our spouse for things they have done that have hurt us. Maybe it’s time we show them love and empathy for the challenges they are facing in life. Maybe it’s time to have true charity in our hearts.

I am learning that Charity needs to be in our hearts constantly. We need to NOT let the little annoyances of others and life bother us. I think that is how Jesus Christ is. He didn’t feel annoyed when He was asked to serve or bless someone. He was had a pure love for everyone. I believe that is true charity. I don’t have that virtue yet in my life, but I am working on it.