The Appreciation Game!

 

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My husband and I played a wonderful game, where we both were the winners! It’s called “I Appreciate…” (Gottman) We each picked five “appreciations” or positive qualities from a per-determined list that reminded us of each other. We took each quality and added an example and shared with one another. It went a little like this…

Attributes about Adam chosen by Cindy:

1. Thanks for being such a great dad! – “You have always been there for our children, even in times when I feel like I couldn’t be.”
2. Thank you for desiring me. – “I am not 20 anymore! But you always make me feel like I am still beautiful and desired. It gives me confidence in who I am.”
3. Thank you for just being there when I felt sad. – “You are always there when I feel depressed or discouraged, you don’t lecture me or tell me to get over it. You are such a great comfort.”

Attributes about Cindy chosen by Adam:

1. Thanks for making dinner: It was delicious! - “Thank you for knowing how to cook! It brings me great joy knowing I sit down to a wonderful meal every day!”
2. Thanks for saving money for us. – “Thank you for watching where our money goes. You never hardly spend it on yourself. In fact, you always use our money to benefit others. You are a bargain shopper and yet you still manage to help us have nice things.”
3. Thanks for being your best self! (This one wasn’t even on the list, He came up with it on his own!)- Thank you for always putting your best effort into everything. Our marriage, our children, your schooling. I love this about you!”

By the time we were done with this game, we both had tears in our eyes. We felt our love renewed and we felt a stronger connection with one another. This is a way that we can nurture our fondness and admiration for one another.

 

 

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If a couple is struggling in their marriage, they can try to rekindle the flame by remembering the good things about each other. John Gottman states: If a couple still have a functioning fondness and admiration system, their marriage is salvageable...Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance.” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 68-69)

Being married means that we need to be constantly thinking of our companion. This is quite a sacrifice on our part. Goddard stated: “We cannot have our eyes on our partner and on ourselves at the same time.” (Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Pg. 51).  Wow! What a statement! How often do I think of myself? All the time! How often do I think of my wonderful husband, Adam? A good portion of the time! I have learned a valuable lesson here; I need to switch who I am thinking about!

  

We also need to pray that we will be loving and patient with our spouses. We should try to be specific when we ask the Lord to help us know the needs of our spouses. President Henry B. Eyring gave us some suggestions that we could use in our daily prayers:

1. “Pray for the love that allows you to see the good in your companion.
2. Pray for the love that makes weakness and mistakes seem small.
3. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own
4. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.

(Our Perfect Example, Ensign, November, 2009. Pg. 70)

If we can learn to appreciate the things our companions do for us, our marriages will be stronger. If we can nurture our fondness and admiration for them, we will build tender memories that last.  If we can begin to think of our companion first and sacrifice our time on their behalf, our burdens will become lighter. If we can pray for our spouses and ask the Lord to bless them with all of the things that they need, the Lord will bless our marriages in ways we could never imagine.