So this week I want to dive into what I call the
“Divorce
Gene”. This is a term that I came up with while studying about the effects of
divorce.
(Note: If the term already exist out there,
please except my
apologies!)
Many of us, if not all of us have been effected
by
divorce in some form or another.
I would like to share some insight with you
all!
Men and women do not have to be
perfect to have good marriages!
Elder Dallin H. Oaks is an Apostle in my church.
(The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints)
He teaches, “A good marriage does not require a perfect man
or woman. It only requires a man and woman committed to strive together toward
perfection.”
(Divorce, 2007).
I have been in love with and married
for almost 28 years to an imperfect
man.
He is in love with me, an imperfect woman.
What we have learned over time,
is that we need to look beyond are deficiencies in our own selves and in one
another.
Over the course of our marriage, we have witnessed
friends and family
members go through divorces.
Divorce in my husband’s family has seemed
to run
rampant over the last several years.
His own parent’s divorced a year after we
were married.
Four of his six siblings have now divorced.
The most recent
divorce that took place, was his sister’s.
I have to admit, for a moment in
time, I felt worrisome about my chances of becoming a divorced.
Was my husband
just going to up and run one day?
Was it in his "genes" to divorce me?
It
seemed like it was becoming the norm in his family.
However, this isn’t the case in my own marriage.
My husband is my best
friend. I am his best friend.
Even if we have the tendency to think that the
“Divorce Gene” is in us, we have something
that will help us avoid its
debilitating cancer.
It’s called agency and the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ has said, Behold all souls are mine;
as the soul of the father,
so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.
(Ezekiel 18:4).
The Lord has basically said, “Don’t worry about what others
have done, but worry about what you will do.
My Atonement will take care of
things.”
My husband and I talk about everything.
These divorces in the family, have
made us
reflect on why they ever took place.
Elder Oaks has also stated
that “…some look back on their divorces with regret at their own partial or
predominant fault in the breakup.” (Divorce, 2007)
We have wondered if this is the case of our
family members. We see the sadness and the regret.
We see the pain that it has
caused their children.
President Spencer W. Kimball gives this wonderful advice: “Two individuals
approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage
which they hope for
they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing,
and even a reduction of some personal liberties.
It means long, hard
economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service
burdens,
care and worry burdens; but also it means the
deepest and sweetest
emotions of all.”
(Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball,
2006).
If all couples would take this advice,
how happy would all of our marriages
be?
